Buying gifts for your family’s miscreant that likes the outdoors can be difficult. We’ve compiled a gift guide for each type of person you may encounter this Christmas season.
For your Ungrateful Nephew: The New GoPro – $349.98
A GoPro is always a good idea for someone who’s outdoor pursuits are way more lackluster than they think. Get the little grommet a camera that they can bolt onto their mountain bike, helmet, waders, etc… You’ll be glad you did when you see their first ‘edit’.
For your Unmarried Aunt: A New Pair of Birkenstocks – $110.00
Holy shit. That’s a lot of money for some sandals. Hope they have enough grip to work the clutch on your Aunt’s old Subaru Outback.
For your Old Lady: Peloton – $1,399.99
Nothing say’s “Merry Christmas” like a thinly veiled reference to weight gain while your fat ass sits on the couch and cracks another beer. Get the Peloton so your old lady can keep her ski legs in shape when weather isn’t permitting.
For your Husband/Boyfriend: The Box your New Peloton Came In – Free
Men are simple creatures. It doesn’t take much to entertain them. Not unlike a dog chasing their own tail. The large box will provide hours of fun for your man. He can then repurpose the cardboard as floor mats for his truck.
For your Unemployed Niece: A Tepui Rooftop Tent – $1,799.95
Pointless, expensive, and almost never used. The Tepui rooftop tent is this year’s front runner for any aspiring influencer. Affix it to the top of her 4runner and don’t forget to make sure she advertises her Instagram with a vinyl decal on the back window (that rolls down).
For the In-Laws: Snowshoes – $79.99
I’m flying blind on this one. Old people like lame things. Get them some snowshoes and maybe a subscription to the Audubon Society and Bird Watching binoculars.
For your Parents: An Estate Tax Planning Attorney – TBD
Cement your future with this gift that keeps on giving. Make sure you edge out your siblings for the majority stake of your parents wealth. If you take the bull by the horns and hire the attorney you’ll likely be the executor of their estate.
Merry Christmas
-publius
The Huck 