Remember that time your cousin was twirling those stick things at the family barbecue? Specifically the cousin that wore a Spitfire t-shirt but didn’t skate? Maybe the year was 1995-1998? Well he’s now been replaced by your cousin in Carhartt bibs that calls her 0.75 acre lot a “Homestead” or “The Farm”. And Devil Sticks have been replaced by Slacklining.
Slacklining is basically balancing on a Home Depot ratchet strap that’s been rigged between two trees. And for some reason it’s been crowned the new official sport of weirdos. The object is to walk from one end to the other without falling which is a lackluster sight at best. At least your weird cousin of the 90’s would give you codes for Doom or show you his Chad Muska shoes that had a little pocket for weed. This is just walking on a beginner’s tightrope followed by pontificating about organic gardening.
We’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel for backyard activities these days. There was a time where lawn darts rained from the sky like Mattel branded mortars. Hell, even Bocce has an element of danger if you’re leaving it all out on the field. Maybe the next iteration of slacklining will include a unicycle but we aren’t holding our breath.
Our advice? Go hang out with your other cousin that got married way too young. Talk to him about the new gingham shirt his wife got him or whatever new barn wood sign they got from Hobby Lobby. Play some cornhole then swing by the Weber to see how the burgers are doing.
-publius
The Huck 